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The Philosophical Musings of Dr. Sarcasm
"Love may make the world go 'round. Money may make the world go 'round. But it's SARCASM that keeps it tilted on its axis."
Why
For?
Do you think you understand people? Feel like you have a pretty good handle on the world? Why things are the way they are? Why people do what they do?
Huh! You have no freaking clue! Trust me. It's impossible to really understand human nature or anything else that goes on in the world. You can never really know the reasoning behind even the simplest of actions.
Which is why, with my well educated and highly sarcastic help, you are going to learn to question everything. Why? So instead of sleeping peacefully at night, you will lie awake in a nervous sweat pondering the motives behind every single action of every single person you know. Indeed, you'll even find yourself questioning your own inner voice, your own natural intuition, your own conscience.
Sound like fun? Of course it does!
Now, I don't mean to scare you. I do mean to completely upset your entire world, topple your very foundations, alter your basis for understanding human existence, and leave you feeling much like a porcupine trying to decorate his home with balloons, yes, but I don't mean to scare you.
I just want you to think, to take simple, traditional actions and think a little bit more about them.
For instance, we are taught that a true gentlemen always lets the ladies go first. But, what if the real reason the first man let the first woman go first was not to be polite, but simply so he could check out her ass?
Kind of throws a loop on the whole "ladies first" idea, doesn't it?
Then, after that first man told all his buddies how well it worked, all men started doing it and it became a tradition? Could that most un-polite of motivations still be the real reason why gentlemen politely let ladies go first?
Now, ladies, next time a man opens a door for you, what are you going to be thinking about? You'll be wondering, huh? Maybe you'll glance back over your shoulder, see where the "gentlemen's" eyes are looking? You will, won't you?
And gentlemen, next time you decide to be "polite" for a lady, are you going to be questioning your inner motives? Of course, you will, and you'll be conscious of where you look, too, won't you?
Ah, behold the power of sarcastic thought, ladies and gentlemen. I'm telling you, Dr. Sarcasm articles are mind bending. Take them in and your soul will never be the same.
Feel like a porcupine decorating with balloons yet? Just wait, it gets worse!
That was just a simple thought. Now, let me drill your mind a bit deeper. Think about this. What if the ONLY reason you age is because you THINK you have to because that's what you see everyone else doing?
Are you really mentally dragging your otherwise immortal body down toward certain death simply because of some crazy instinct to follow the crowd? Aging, literally, simply because you THINK you are supposed to do so and have no other choice?
Hmmm. Death by tortuously slow gregarious mental suicide. What a nice thought that is.
You could live forever! If only you can break free of the herd mentality!
Could be, true? Couldn't it? Prove me wrong, I dare you!
Here's another thought. What if meth was literally made in dirty, uncontrolled conditions out of nasty, toxic and/or harmful chemicals by strung out, brain fried morons who failed basic high school chemistry, yet somehow manage to mix it up anyway? And then, people literally PAY them for the right to fry their own brains with this odd chemical mix made by these morons?
Oh wait, that IS what happens! Now, tell me THAT doesn't blow your mind!
You are a porcupine. Life is made out of balloons! Accept it, or reject it, thanks to Dr. Sarcasm, reality will NEVER be the same!
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Copyright © 2012 JoeHumor.com, Joe Bingham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide, and universally (just in case there are any aliens reading this). All content on this site is 100% original and written by me, Joe Bingham, for the express purpose of entertainment and fun. At no time is anything intended to offend, insult, or otherwise enrage anyone. If you find yourself upset or otherwise ticked off, relax, I'm just freakin' kidding, OK? Don't take things so seriously. "Life IS a joke, why not laugh at it?" Please just enjoy yourself and let me attempt to enrich your life with a little more fun and a lot more laughs. Thanks for reading --- Joe Humor