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Complex Problems... Simple Solutions
People tend to make things way too complicated. The world has all these supposedly complex problems, but I'm telling you, simple solutions are all that are needed. For instance...
Complex Problem: Illegal Immigration
Simple Solution: Make Mexico a state.
See what I mean? We take over Mexico, make it a state, or 12, and viola! No more illegal immigration. Simple, huh? And simple solutions are always better, too. We don't need new legislation, no big debates or long winded arguments, just plain old simple logic. Just think how much time and money could be saved. Let's try another one.
Complex Problem: National Debt
Simple Solution: Blow it off.
Seriously, who's going to make us pay?
Now do you get it? See how easy it can be to solve all these supposedly "tough" issues? Relax, sit back and enjoy as all the world's complex problems "simply" melt away before your eyes.
Complex Problem: Global Warming
Simple Solution: Everyone run their air conditioners and ice machines 24/7.
See how simple that was? If your house is getting too warm you just turn on the air conditioning and/or make some ice, right? Simple.
But if you don't like that Simple Solution, how about this one?
Simple Solution #2: Make everyone on Earth hold their breath for 15 minutes.
That would definitely cut down on the carbon dioxide emissions, wouldn't it? Just 15 minutes without exhaling and I guarantee you would no longer be concerned one bit about global warming.
Fine, you don't like that solution either. How about this option?
Simple Solution #3: Send a lifetime supply of Beano to everyone who likes Mexican food.
Now, you can't tell me that wouldn't make a significant impact. In fact, it's guaranteed to improve more than one environmental condition. Right? And save on air fresheners as well!
But, if that's still not good enough for you, I know something that is very simple and absolutely, positively, for sure, guaranteed to eradicate the entire global warming problem.
Simple Solution #4: Make Al Gore shut up.
OR...
Simple Solution #5: Understand that the earth is millions of years old and that recorded weather data only goes back very sketchily for at best 4000 years and realize that you can't possibly make accurate assumptions based on only 0.00004% of the data.
In other words, the earth changes from time to time, get over it.
Enough of that one, let's move on.
Complex Problem: Domestic Battery
Simple Solution: Put Eveready in charge of making domestic batteries. Trust me, the problem will be dead in under 10 minutes.
Complex Problem: The Re-Introduction of Wolves Into The Wilderness
Simple Solution: Have a vote on whether the wolves should stay or be removed. Except --- only people who would actually get off their butts and go out into the wilderness where the wolves live get to vote.
Well, if there's no chance you'll ever see them anyway, why should you get to decide if they are there or not?
Complex Problem: Iranian and Korean Nuclear Programs
Simple Solution: Send a bomber to deliver a couple of our nukes for them to "learn" from.
Ah, simple yet effective, no?
Complex Problem: Obesity
Simple Solution: Send all the fat people to live in areas that are suffering from a famine.
Complex Problem: Famine
Simple Solution: Send everyone suffering from famine to live where the fat people are.
This is really very simple, you know? I don't understand why governments and others in authority have so much trouble dealing with these kind of things.
Complex Problem: High gas prices.
Simple Solution: Lower the prices.
What? It's not like oil companies need a real reason to raise the prices, why do we need to come up with any further motivation to lower them? However, if that's not good enough for you, how about this one?
Simple Solution #2: Take over OPEC and establish "Free Oil Month".
Now that's a good idea if there ever was one.
Complex Problem: AIDS
Simple Solution: Don't get it.
Well, it's not like you can get it by saying "Hi" and shaking hands.
Complex Problem: The war in Iraq
Simple Solution: Win
Is there any other acceptable solution to any war? If you decide at the onset that something is worth killing and dying for, why would you later change your mind before completing your task? That would negate and make a mockery out of the sacrifice of everyone who died for the cause. So, what is there to debate? The time to debate a war is before it starts, not during it.
OK, this is getting way too series, this is a humor article for goodness sake!
Complex Problem: Becoming horrified when you read the ingredients on the Twinkie you just ate.
Simple Solution: Don't read the ingredients.
What you don't know can't hurt you, right? We'll see.
OK, one more then we're done for now.
Complex Problem: Illegal Drug Use
Simple Solution: Create cyanide laden versions of all street drugs. Users will be quickly identified and demand will drop sharply.
What? It would work. Tell me it wouldn't work.
Copyright © 2008 --- written by Joe Bingham
Copyright © 2008 JoeHumor.com, Joe Bingham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide. All content on this site is 100% original and written by me, Joe Bingham, for the express purpose of entertainment and fun. At no time is anything intended to offend, insult, or otherwise enrage anyone. If you find yourself upset or otherwise ticked off, relax, I'm just freakin' kidding, OK? Don't take things so seriously. "Life IS a joke, why not laugh at it?" Please just enjoy yourself and let me attempt to enrich your life with a little more fun and a lot more laughs. Thanks for reading --- Joe